You feel powerless yet angry. Your cries for help are unheard, even by yourself. You're left pissed or out of control inside. You are trying to control the external environment to compensate. Your upsets and frustrations are so deeply rooted that you have forgotten that emotional chaos doesn't resolve but dissolve your personal integrity and personal space. You yearn to escape. Getting up again and trying to move through life with less pain and upset requires a force that is beyond forced will power.
Take the time to step through every part of your life. Find the areas of life that you are a victim and turn those areas into discovery. Find the parts that you have become angry and upset with and turn that area into leading your heart and mind to new clarity and function. You don't have to be a victim. You have control of your mind. You can do this. Find the parts of yourself where the sadness makes you wish too much and try to manage others so that you can be okay. Stop, back up, let the blame and shame go. You are a wonderful soul, just step into your power gradually with less wishes, fears, and upsets.